Some days I felt like I could hardly breathe through the terror of having to get through the day and pretend to be normal. After the incident with LSD, I had stopped using illegal drugs completely and only drank alcohol. My drinking increased very quickly because it was the only thing that took away the fear. It took the edge off of my Mickey Mouse Smoking Slash Pumpkin Halloween Shirt, and I had a few hours of reprieve from the madness in my head, and I could pretend to be normal. At 17, my drinking shifted from ‘having fun’ to use it to cope with how I felt. I knew there was something very wrong with me; I didn’t know what. I did try and get help. I looked everywhere, I went to doctors, counselors, psychiatrists, psychologists, therapists, churches anywhere that offered some kind of hope.
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